Paraphrased from Section 1 of Happily Ever After…
The Epiphany:
On an otherwise nondescript SoCal afternoon in 1993 my wife got my attention and in a, calm, obviously well-rehearsed, voice she proceeded to list a number of my behaviors she found especially objectionable. Then she told me, in no uncertain terms, that I should pack up and get out and never come back. The shock of this news left me weak-kneed, light-headed and slightly nauseous. Then as quickly as these sensations had manifested themselves they disappeared. In their place I experienced a strange sense of calm and hopefulness. It was as if I had “Seen the Proverbial Light.” I think of that moment as my EPIPHANY. See, I knew my wife was right. I had become unpredictable, explosive, negative, and a bully. I didn’t even like ME! It struck me that I didn’t want to be such a toxic person; an emotional terrorist, if you will. And somehow during the height of this emotional tumult, my words in combination with my body language, got through to that special sense that women possess in abundance, intuition, and she relented and told me I should stay while she gave me a chance to prove myself. I was confident I could become the man I knew I could be; the man she and my daughter needed me to be.
A brief back story:
So, what caused me to fall into such a despicable behavior pattern; It turns out it was a feeling of resentment due to my failed attempt to become a recording artist. In 1970 my manager signed me to a lucrative recording contract with a major label. I recorded at Jimi Hendrix’ new studio, Electric Lady Land, in the Village in New York City. Industry mucky-mucks all said that the handsome white singer who sounded like a black guy would be the “next big thing.” Unfortunately, while my manager was able to get me signed to a label, he wasn’t able to further my career beyond that point. So I languished in obscurity until my label decided I was a lost cause. That meant that I had to return to playing in local bars in order to support my wife and myself. I became increasingly bitter because I was resigned to performing covers, often, to, “the backs of heads and tables and chairs,” instead of singing my original songs.
You would think that, over the years, my rancor would have abated. And, yeah, it did to a point, but then I’d get inspired when I’d hear an especially soulful performance of a particularly meaningful song. Then all the old resentment would bubble back up to the surface of my awareness and I would once again “Weaponize” my mentality and reprise my role as an “Emotional Terrorist.”
Who Am I:
When my wife gave me a second chance, I was determined to devote every fiber of my being to the task of becoming the best human being I could be. I scoured the volumes in the self-help section of book stores, I drove myself to mental exhaustion searching the internet for answers, but in the end I became my own best advocate. I developed a system that allowed me to discover WHO AM I. And with invaluable input from my wife in the process, I devised a program, which allowed her to be completely honest regarding her impressions of how I thought I displayed my character traits. This interaction brought us closer together than I could have imagined. That’s when I knew I had devised a special system, which would allow people, in a committed relationship, to be honest with each other about their most intimate thoughts and feelings. I had developed the break-through I had been so desperately searching for and it helped me become the man I always knew I could be; the man my wife and daughter needed me to be.
The Back-Slide:
I’m not saying I don’t ever back-slide and resort to “Emotional Terrorism,” but now my wife can snap me out of it with a few well chosen words. She might reprimand me with a sentence that goes something like, “The way you’re acting; maybe you should go back and read your own book!” It may take an hour or so for me to fully realize the error of my ways, but I invariably understand that I’ve regressed, for that moment, and I offer a heart-felt apology to my wife or anyone else I may have offended.
Living Proof:
In conclusion; regarding the question of whether or not a person can really change; I stand as living proof, that, with the knowledge, the proper tools, and “with a little help from my/your friends/mate,” it’s definitely possible.
Take Heart:
So, take heart, those of you trapped in a committed relationship with a bully or a shrew, if you decide to follow the program I’ve laid out in my book and become the person you know you can be, your mate will notice the change. I guarantee it! Plus, your mate will almost definitely be motivated to elevate their own level of humanity until they become the person they always knew they could be.