(Paraphrased from Section 9 of Happily Ever After…)
What if I could explain why women often consider men’s behavior: offensive, excessive, and generally unacceptable with one word? You’d have to admit that would be no mean feat. Well… prepare to be impressed because I’m about to present that one word for your edification. Are you ready? It’s;
HORMONES.
Testosterone:
The masculine hormone, testosterone, motivates him to strive to dominate any situation he finds himself involved in and to have sex, as often as possible and with as many women as possible. Obviously, a significant majority of males aren’t mentally and/or physically equipped to dominate in most situations. Plus no matter how motivated most men happen to be, when it comes to sexual exploits, few are attractive enough or physically gifted enough to perform as “studs.” Sorry if this information strikes the ladies as being indelicate, but without these primitive masculine drives the human species, as we know it, would have gone extinct 100,000 years ago. Unfortunately or not, while it’s true that these aggressive, masculine, instinctive behavior patterns don’t really have a place in modern society, evolution has played a dirty trick on guys and has chosen to maintain these antisocial traits throughout the millennia.
It's Impossible:
Consequently men have to constantly subvert their natural tendencies just so they can fly under the proverbial radar enough to avoid being arrested for assault and battery or for sexually inappropriate behavior. It’s impossible for a woman to understand how a man feels when he beholds a female’s soft round parts. The intense Testosterone production, which is usually accompanied by an Adrenaline rush, brings on an almost overwhelming urge to have sex right then and there. If the woman in question happens to possess, what he perceives to be, attractive, physical features combined with an especially pretty face, the man will likely need to bring all of his powers of self-control to bear on the situation. The thing is, from time to time a guy may be contending with lowered inhibitions, perhaps he’s “under the influence,” and in that case he simply won’t have enough self-control potential to deal with the situation. So he gets aggressive. He acts like a Jerk. He may even go so far as to attempt to perform unwanted sexual acts. He doesn’t want to be offensive. He’s most likely embarrassed by his behavior but there’s precious little he can do about it at that point. Once the chemical reaction begins and sufficient Testosterone is produced… Again; not all men will react so aggressively to an over-abundance of Testosterone. Most men are to repressed or to polite or fear legal repercussions to much to act out when their Testosterone levels in combination with an Adrenaline rush kicks their sex drive into overdrive. And that's a good thing for women and for society in general.
Instinct Drives Him To Compete:
Also; his instinctive drive to dominate will motivate him to compete. If a physically gifted man gets the chance he likes nothing better than an opportunity to joust with other men of his ilk, individually or as a team mate, at a sporting event that requires: ability, determination, and strategy. Even the meekest guy will rise to the occasion when he’s “gaming.” He mentally becomes the: domineering, powerful, virtual warrior, which he has chosen to be his Avatar. While a man would prefer a contest with an evenly matched or an over matched opponent, in the absence of such a scenario he may initiate a debate/argument with his mate over a topic she has little knowledge of so he can press his advantage and gain an easy victory; even at the expense of incurring her wrath to the point where she may question the decision she made to devote her time and emotional energy to the relationship. Again; He acted like a Jerk.
Insecurity Can Make Him Possessive:
Of course no treatise on a man’s tendency to act like a Jerk would be complete without mentioning a guy’s tendency to be possessive. Even a dominant male will have some insecurity about his masculinity, which can cause him to doubt his mate’s devotion. If she happens to be very attractive he may regard the attention, whether she appreciates it or not, that she gets from other men as a threat to what he perceives as his dominance over her and as an insult/challenge to his masculinity. Plus, if she tends to be flirtatious because she craves attention or because she’s trying to get a rise out of her man, his insecurities may cause him to act like a Jerk.
I’m sure you can come up with more instances where a guy will be motivated, whether by his drive to dominate, his sex drive, or his insecurities to act like a Jerk.
Now That I’ve given you several reasons why men can be such Jerks,
let me give you my reasons why men can be such Liars.
Guys Are Pack Animals:
OK; so, why does it seem, to many women, that men are pathological liars? My short answer to this question is: “If men told women what they’re hormone-driven thought process was motivating them to do, women would most likely run screaming from the room!” Women frequently say, “Men are pigs!” but I contend they’re actually more like dogs (pack animals). The pack mentality often motivates them to do things, in the spirit of competition; they wouldn’t want a female friend/lover to know about. Plus men don’t necessarily attach the same value to sex that women do. Sex, for a man, can often be little more than a successful conclusion to a conquest scenario (men are, after all; hunters) or simply a way to relieve an over-abundance of stress inducing testosterone. And you have to remember that men are not monogamous by nature. A man, in a committed relationship, is undoubtedly in the process of trying to figure out, what does my woman really want, because he’s dying to please. He’s looking for her approval. The idea of incurring her wrath and possibly destroying their relationship over a meaningless tryst will be plenty of justification for him to never mention his indiscretion, or to fabricate excuses for his tardiness or when he finds himself in compromising situations. Also, if he happens to be the primary bread-winner, in the course of establishing a form of dominance, he may keep her in the dark about family finances and business matters.
Unconditional Love vs Quid Pro Quo:
Women need to understand that men do not naturally know how to love. Oh, they’re capable of having a warm feeling of affection (Webster’s Dictionary) for a woman, but they’re incapable of giving unconditionally (both capabilities are prerequisites in my definition of LOVE). No; unlike his feminine counter-part, when a man gives something, he expects something in return (quid pro quo). For instance; when he brings home flowers or takes his woman out for dinner and a show, etc. it’s a cinch bet he figures she should render sexual favors in return.
Feelings…
One last thought; although men are typically bigger and stronger than most women, they maintain a healthy fear of the ladies. See, a woman can do something to a man that he finds wonderful but also intimidating. She can cause him to have feelings. His instincts as well as his up-bringing, in Western Society, dictate that he should suppress his emotions in the interest of gaining self control. He’s convinced that any overt display of emotion, over a woman, would be seen as a sign of weakness by other men.
So, when you factor-in his instinctive drives, his ability, or not, to control those drives, and include his approach-avoidance relationship with his feelings into the mix, it should become obvious why so many women consider men’s behavior to be: offensive, excessive, and generally unacceptable. And why so many women consider men to be pathological liars.
Armed with this knowledge, it is incumbent upon a woman to decide whether or not she values any relationship, she may have with a guy, enough to take this information into consideration in an attempt to maintain that relationship and perhaps do her best to improve it.
"OK, Paul J., let’s say I’m a woman who would like to maintain and/or improve my relationship with a man; how do you propose I go about it?"
I’m so glad you asked!
Allow me to paraphrase one of my aphorisms:
“Men are most content when they are “handled” and women are happiest when they are “cherished.”
He’s a Puppy Dog:
You must remember that men are rather uncomplicated beings; compared to women. Their wants and needs are fairly simple. Men thrive when they feel like they are dominant, in at least one or two aspects of their lives, and if they feel like their woman has some degree of understanding of their sex-drive and is generally willing to accommodate its demands, guys will give her the benefit of the doubt when it comes to her concerns. As an example; I’ve come to the point where I can watch certain cooking TV shows without sniping away with a steady stream of sarcastic remarks. And never forget that a man is like a puppy dog. He’s dying to please. If you can arrange to “approve” of him on a regular but intermittent basis (research shows that if you reward a behavior on an intermittent basis it reinforces the behavior more than if you reward it every time), you will help him become the best version of himself and, he, in turn will consider your opinion to be of such value that he will think of you as his model of decorum.
I know, for many of you ladies this information is simply an affirmation of knowledge you’ve acquired over the course of your years on the planet. I only hope that you are employing these techniques and that they are helping to make your relationship a rewarding one.
Superior Beings:
The truth is; I also know current political correctness policies tend to de-emphasize masculine instinctive drives to the point where it has become controversial to discuss them at all. And I get it. Women find men’s violent tendencies fearful and deplorable and with good reason. So, for those of you women, who find some-or-all of this blog entry offensive, please know I’m convinced that women are superior beings and that the term “sexual equality” is an oxymoron. It’s a rare man who is the equal of a woman. Further, I contend that if more positions of power were occupied by women, the world would be a better place.